Lindsay bottoms out in Brazil amid pilfering allegations and tattoo talk

And below we have mini-skirted, drama-emitting Lindsay Lohan, hiding under a table while clubbing in Brazil. If only we could find something surprising about this photo. According to eyewitness accounts, the rehab-bound, slow-motion train wreck ended up on a dirty nightclub floor on Thursday because she didn't want to pose with fellow revelers. She also apparently left the São Paulo hot spot bleeding because she sat on broken glass.

Lindsay is in Brazil to promote a line of jeans, a deal that E! reports will add $100,000 to her empty coffers. To earn the cash, she's required to do three days of promotion, including store and party appearances. With so much press lined up, she should probably brace herself for questions about making off with jewelry and wardrobe items from the set of Charlie Sheen's "Anger Management" sitcom earlier this week.

TMZ says Lindsay admitted to friends that she took home "two bracelets, a necklace, sunglasses, a pair of shoes, gold earrings, a silk bathrobe, lingerie and tap shorts." But she insists nothing was stolen, and that "she had a deal with producers she could take all the stuff she wanted, and they'd just deduct it from her salary." She used a similar excuse over an unpaid hotel bill during filming of "Liz & Dick."

Lindsay apparently won't return anything, "because as far as she's concerned, she paid for it."

But show insiders contend that Lohan nabbed the items from the wardrobe department before discussing it with anyone, and she refused to write a check when asked. (Side note: Who'd take Lindsay's check?) At that point, the wardrobe person didn't want to "become a cop and block Lindsay from leaving the set," so she reportedly told her the cost of "all missing items" would be taken from her paycheck.

Lindsay, of course, is no stranger to sticky-fingered allegations, from purportedly walking off with a jewelry store's necklace to commandeering one of Elizabeth Taylor's bracelets.

Maybe the show would have been more forgiving if Lindsay hadn't acted like "the biggest prima donna ever," according to multiple spies. After showing up early on the first day of shooting on Monday, she returned to bad habits on the second day, allegedly arriving two hours late and refusing to leave her trailer for another two hours. Then, she took off early to go clubbing and "threatened not to return."

When Lindsay finally left, the crew reportedly broke out in applause. And these are people who deal with a tiger blood-infused Charlie Sheen on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, damage control has begun over a report in this week's Star in which a woman named Aesha Waks claims Lindsay "destroyed my world" after taking up with her then-fiancé, Liam McMullan, late last year.

The New York Post says Lindsay and "close friend" Liam formalized their "deep spiritual bond" by needling on matching tattoos in a "private, secret, spiritual ceremony."

The ink stains are double red triangles with the words "What Dreams May Come" written underneath (because when we think Shakespeare, we think Linds).

"The triangles represent danger and hazards, and the two spiritual energies inside each other," explains a source, seemingly without breaking into giggles. "It represents their souls and hearts, and the dangers out there, and that they must follow their dreams."

Once your eyeballs roll back into their sockets, read on …

For what it's worth, sources say McMullan was single when he forged this ostensibly life-altering bond with Lindsay, who is currently cozying up to musician Avi Snow. But he remains optimistic about a romantic hookup.

"There could be a future for us," Liam tells the Post, which conveniently plugs his DJ services and artist rep company. "I want Lindsay to take care of herself. … This is her big moment. It all comes down to this -- it's all under her control. We should all support Lindsay."

STILL MORE LINDSAY DRAMA:

Lindsay hanging with Kristen Stewart?

Did Lindsay party at plea deal?

Lindsay gets 90 days in rehab

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